What I've learned in 20 years as a parent...

Parenting is hard. I'm in over my head. I'm not going to do everything right. But, I'm going to keep learning and keep trying. I don't take the responsibility lightly. I consider it an honor. And, here's a few things I've learned after being a parent for 20 years.

• I can't take the credit when my kids are a success.
• I can't take the blame when my kids choose their own path.
• My kids are not an extension of me, they are a unique God-created individual.
• I don't have all the answers; I have as much to learn from them as they do from me.
• Part of my job it is to help get them thinking, but not to tell them what to think.
• Dancing around and avoiding real conversations about awkward topics (like sex, mental illness, substance abuse, etc.) only sets them up for failure.

Let's camp on that last bullet for a minute. What parent looks forward to a conversation with their beautiful, innocent, cute & cuddly cherub about any of these topics? Our parental instinct is to protect them from all of it--act like it's not there. Our best intentions lead us to spend our time building a fortress of screens to shield them as long as we can. It's a lie many of us fall victim to. We procrastinate or avoid these conversations altogether because we don't want to be the one to take away "innocence." That's nice in theory, but naive in reality.

All of us have to face these issues and we're not in control of when that happens. it's everywhere, all around us (and them). If we don't provide our kids with a healthy, realistic context and adequate preparation, they're blind sided with life and thrown into reactive mode.

I want to be bold enough to teach my kids about uncomfortable topics. Where else will they get the truth? The media? Ugh. It’s up to us to clear the static, take the lead and help them learn the right place to find the answers when they need them.

Recently, I was put to the test on this and have a practical example of how it played out in my own home.  If I share the story now, this post would be too long. I'll save it for Monday. Have a great weekend.

Comments

[amber cox]

Kem - I love that you posted us a glimpse into your personal/family life!

[D.Lake]

Thanks Kem. Well put and taken to heart.

Thanks for bullet point three - True Dat!

[Joseph Louthan]

I remember dealing with total depravity (we are born sinners and sinners by nature) with my 3 year old son.

Immediately, he starts bawling and crying his heart out. "Daddy, I don't want to be bad. I don't want to do bad things. I want to be good."

Through tears in my own eyes, I replied to my son, "Then I will tell you of my God who sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die in our place so that we can be made good and we get to be with God forever. You already don't want to be bad and to do bad things. Trust in God alone and He is the only One who can make you good."

My now 7 year old son is getting his theology and doctrine down pat. We speak often about Trinity, cross, resurrection, atonement, justification, sanctification, faith, love, worship and joy and this is all by God the Father through the bloodshed of His Son by the power of the Holy Spirit.

That was the single toughest conversation I have ever had with my son. But it was so worth it because God is be glorified.